On August 29, 2012 I entered
McCallum Place for Eating Disorders. Now I do not have an eating disorder but
because of all my surgeries in the past 2 years and being nauseated all the
time I was down to about 80 pounds. This is a very dangerous weight and I was
most defiantly malnourished.
So on August 29, I started a
very intense treatment. I would be at McCallum Place seven days a week for ten
hours straight. It was so very hard to be in this place that was so different
but, at the same time I learned so much not only about myself but the girls
that I spent two months of my life with.
Every day I would arrive in
Webster at 9:30 I would start my day with a set of vitals and getting weighed.
At about 10:00 we would have morning snack, then “homeroom” group for an hour
and then another group till 12:30 when we would sit for lunch. After lunch we
would “post” (go around and talk about the meal and how we felt… physically and
emotionally). Then it was group time until afternoon snack which took place
around 3:00. Then another round of groups, or napping, or even just journaling.
Dinner would be at 6:15 with post following and then at 7:30 it was time to go
home.
During the week days we would
also meet with a therapist three times, a medical doctor once a week, a
dietitian two times a week and a psychiatrist or resident two times a week.
They would pull us from groups if it was our turn to meet.
Before my first weekend there
would come and go I changed from eating 75% to 100% and stayed on that amount
the whole time I was there. By weekend number two I had add-on’s (this would be
some other food to get even more calories.) That put me up to 4400c calories a
day and let me tell you my stomach and body did not always like it.
I cannot lie there were days
that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to do it; even times when I wanted to
give up and just do it all at home. I had days of nausea and I even had to go
to the hospital for my asthma at one point. About a month in I felt so sick and
my weight wasn’t moving and I thought I would have to have a feeding tube “dropped”
I was able to get out of that by staying positive and just working as hard as I
could at eating and breathing and realizing that it was okay to have help and I
was not a failure.
With all the groups and
working with my care team I learned a lot about myself. The biggest thing was
allowing myself to have other feelings. I didn’t have to be happy or even strong
all the time. It was okay to lean on others and need them to help me get
through hard times.
I have been “strong” for as
long as I can remember and it still is hard at times to admit that I am scared,
worried or even that I feel alone. All these knew feelings are very real and
are taking some time to describe and label but just like everything else I have
done I am doing this. I know how to listen to my body now it is time to listen
to my emotions as well. I also learned that I deserve things that I otherwise
thought that I didn’t.
I met some wonderful girls
and have made some really great friends! We all have each other’s back! It’s pretty
cool to have a cheering team whenever you need them. I would never change my
path for it has taught me a great deal and has helped shape me into the woman I
am.
When I entered McCallum Place
on August 29, 2012 I weighed 80lbs
When I was discharged on October
24, 2012 I weighed 108lbs.
I am so proud of myself, I
feel better, I am able to work out again and for the most part I have little to
know nausea. Can’t lie this new role of “living” is a little hard to get into
but I sure enjoy it a lot more then feeling and being sick as much as I was.
I want to thank my family and
friends for all their love and support. Thank you for all the prayers and kind
words. Truth is you can do anything you set your mind to doing… I’m living proof!
Love and prayer until next
time,
Em
