Down and Out

So I guess we will just say that I have chronic nausea got to admit it’s the worst feeling ever.  And I would do anything in the world to not have it…

I had my first open heart surgery when I was 9 years old. Then four more all before the age of 24, I grew up having asthma and then in January of 2011 I had my left lung removed.  I guess after all that one might think that nausea isn’t so bad considering. And maybe it would be if I weighed more than a kid.

After going to my primary I learned so much in fact I need to call him more and the G.I. doctor less…. Well maybe he found me a new one today. Everything that was said in that room today was true and I guess because I trust him so very much I was able to let down my guard and cry like I’ve needed to for so long now.

 Srong people cry too!

I don’t have to have it all together all the time the people who care and love me will always love me thru thick and thin and I had that great reminder today. I have a lot of weight to gain and a lot of healing that still needs to take place both mentally, and physically. But with all the love and support that I have though family and friends I know that I will be ok.

Why did I think I had to have it all together all the time? Because I would rather help, worry or fix someone else’s problem. I dont need people to worry with me that have for so long lets take care of others. (this is what I think at least)

I also realized that I don’t have to be super happy and excited all the time and it is okay to switch doctors if you don’t trust, or believe that the one you have for you is the right one even if they are the smartest ones out there.

I know that I will be ok! I know that it is okay to cry it is NOT a sign of weakness and its okay to have days that are not perfect. I also know that I have great family and amazing friends whom I love with all my heart and soul and I thank them for being by my side though thick and thin… The ride is not over yet but like my doctor I got to keep chugging along because you never know what the bigger plane is and you never know what surprise this trial cause be getting you ready for. I though the healing process was over but the truth is its NOT…. Not yet. Got to keep fighting the fight but you can cry if you need to “I will be there to dry your eyes.”

“When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.”

It has been a rough day but I know in my heart that better days are to come!

Until Next Time

Love and Prayers,

EM